Repairing a Broken Relationship with Your Teen Son — S-H-A-P-E Parenting

Parent’s Dilemma

Hi coach..I have two kids. The first is a boy aged 14. He stays with mum. I took him to stay with me when he was 8 for about a year then he refused to stay and said he wanted to go back to ushago...

Hi coach..I have two kids. The first is a boy aged 14. He stays with mum. I took him to stay with me when he was 8 for about a year then he refused to stay and said he wanted to go back to ushago. He refused to go to school so I let him go to my mum. We used to talk normally on the phone but reached a point he refused to talk to me akasema Huwa sikeep promises zangu, which is true sometimes I plan but zinabackfire. So my son interprets this as “simpendi” infact he tells my mom yeye hana mama Wala baba. There's a time I came across a picture of him on Facebook, upon asking, he got furious ata Sasa akasema hataniongelesha kabsaa. Although when I checked the account again, nikapata ametoa. Remember mum hana smart phone. He probably used a friend's phone. I love my son deeply. But I don't know how to make him understand that I do. Help me. His father is a deadbeat who appears and disappears. Although I don't communicate with him directly. So there's nothing much to expect from his side.

💠 APPLYING THE S-H-A-P-E PARENTING MODEL

Click each button below to explore how to apply the SHAPE Parenting Model to this situation.

Reconnect spiritually through prayer and forgiveness. Model grace and show him that love is unconditional, not performance-based.

3L SHIFT Reflection:

• Let Out: What emotions arise when I think about my son’s rejection?
• Let Go: What unmet expectations or guilt am I holding onto?
• Let In: How can I invite God’s peace to restore this bond?

Empathize with his pain. Acknowledge broken promises and express your desire to rebuild trust without pressure or blame.

3L SHIFT Reflection:

• Let Out: How does it feel to know I’ve hurt his trust?
• Let Go: What excuses have I used to avoid vulnerability?
• Let In: How can I show consistent care even from a distance?

Use creative communication—letters, drawings, or recorded messages—to remind him he’s seen, heard, and valued.

3L SHIFT Reflection:

• Let Out: What abilities can I use to communicate love?
• Let Go: What habits hinder me from being expressive?
• Let In: What new methods of connection can I try?

Recognize your son’s personality. If he’s sensitive or independent, respect his space while gently rebuilding emotional bridges.

3L SHIFT Reflection:

• Let Out: What part of his personality am I struggling to accept?
• Let Go: What expectations clash with who he really is?
• Let In: How can I adapt my parenting to match his temperament?

Heal through shared memories. Visit a familiar place or activity you once enjoyed together to rebuild emotional safety.

3L SHIFT Reflection:

• Let Out: What past experiences hurt or disconnected us?
• Let Go: What old wounds do I need to release?
• Let In: What new shared experiences can we create?

Related Dilemmas-Pick 1 Paste In the COMMENTS Section

Learn strategies to rebuild trust and open communication channels with your child.

Tips to repair credibility and restore your teen’s confidence in your word.

Practical ways to acknowledge feelings while guiding your child toward healing.

Simple daily actions to re-establish connection and strengthen your relationship.

How to set boundaries while showing compassion and understanding.

Take the Next Step

Are you ready to rebuild trust, strengthen your relationship, and guide your teen toward a positive path? Enroll in our SHAPE Parenting Virtual Self-Paced Coaching today and start transforming your parenting journey.

Enroll Now